Is Comparison really the thief of joy?
The Psychology of Social Comparisons
‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’
Through much of my adult life I’ve heard this saying, but never fully received it. Isn’t comparison all we do? We teach children to differentiate shapes in kindergarten. We say this is that, then use comparisons to explain why. This process extends to people, art, and politics even when the reasoning for it isn’t completely rational. A Banksy piece is worth this much money and this is why. Why would that change when comparing the quality of our work to other people’s? At what point is a comparison good, and when is it bad? In this essay, I’ll be covering what social comparisons are, how they affect us, and why comparisons can steal your joy.
Comparison has been ingrained in humanity for centuries. At its core, making a comparison is to identify the similarities and differences between two or more items. For this reason, it is integral for our survival. This apple is pretty and red, while the other is dark and soft in some areas. In this situation, we make a comparison between the two items, then choose which is best for consumption.
Social comparisons are the same, but more personal. A social comparison occurs when a person uses others to evaluate themselves. The different ways people can compare themselves to others is simply directional:
upwards, measuring yourself to someone who’s better than you in some way (wealth, physicality, aesthetics, etc.).
lateral, measuring yourself to someone who is similar to you.
downwards, measuring yourself to someone who you see is below you.
Usain Bolt after winning his first Olympic medal may feel a confidence boost when seeing he's the fastest sprinter in the world (downward). A 40-year-old mother may feel validated when seeing another woman struggle to put their kids to bed on tv (lateral). Depending on societal standards, a normal-sized woman may possess a deflated self-esteem when seeing another thin woman on social media with the desired frame (upwards).
The reason why the saying ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ confused me so much is because of the positives of comparison. Many battles of social injustice, such as civil rights and women’s rights, used social comparison to indicate inequity. Social comparisons are also used for goal management. In a survey given to female college students looking to lose weight, researchers found participants mostly used social comparisons over objective information when self-evaluating1 themselves. The study found that while objective information is used to accurately express what participants wanted to achieve, social comparisons were used as motivation for self-improvement and self-enhancement2 (Wayment et. al, 2020). Upward comparisons helped the women to measure how close they are to achieving their goals (self-improvement evaluation), while downwards comparisons motivated individuals to keep moving forward (self-enhancement evaluation).
I’m also aware of the adverse effects. People often make faulty social comparisons. When art is sold in the marketplace, social comparisons can be harmful to one’s health. Creators may look to successful artists and feel invalidated by their own work. An artist might see works by Basquiat or Banksy sell for a hundred million dollars and start to measure their own worth based on such financial successes.
“Creative Insecurity” by LocalScriptMan, addresses this issue in regard to screenwriters. A writer’s sense of constructive feedback may not be how to clean up their ideas, but how someone else can simply make their work better. While the market does prove that someone else’s ideas can indeed make you richer, it also proves success isn’t guaranteed. Just because a cheeky superhero movie made billions of dollars now, doesn’t mean you should expect the same profit replicating it. The worth of art and creative decision-making is comparable to one's own self-worth or self-esteem.
Situations like this allow me to hold a more nuanced view of social comparisons. Yes, Comparison can be the thief of joy. Self-worth can be challenged due to who your ex is attracted to. Self-esteem can be torn due to how one may look in pictures compared to others. Sense of value can be broken when compared to others' sense of perspective in decision-making processes. Comparisons can spark feelings of envy, jealousy, depression, and inadequacy. The comparisons you hold on to yourself may indeed be invalid, yet other comparisons can spark motivation to set new goals.
How can you tell if your social comparison is constructive or faulty?
You can answer this question by asking yourself questions.
What drives this social comparison?
What inspired this comparison and why?
How does this comparison make me feel?
Does this comparison cause you to focus on feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, or resentment?
Due to these feelings, is my motivation decreasing or increasing?
If this comparison motivates me, is it sustainable?
The motivation behind certain comparisons can create feelings of perfectionism. While perfectionism can be positive for some, perfectionists who focus less on success and more on failures tend to feel demotivated over time.3
References
Kamarova, S., Papaioannou, A., & Chatzisarantis, N. (2021, September 8). Editorial: Current perspectives on social comparisons and their effects. Frontiers. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.739783/full
LocalScriptMan. (2024, February 2). Creative Insecurity. YouTube.
Psychology Today Staff (Ed.). (n.d.). Perfectionism. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/perfectionism
Wayment, H. A., Eiler, B. A., & Cavolo, K. (2020, May 14). Self-evaluation strategies in college women trying to lose weight: The relative use of objective and social comparison information. Frontiers. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01254/full
Webber, R. (2017, November 7). The Comparison Trap. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201711/the-comparison-trap
Self-evaluation is “the process by which individuals seek information to assess their own performance”(Wayment et al., 2020).
The study assessed self-evaluation using three forms of self-evaluation: accurate self-assessment, self-improvement, and self-enhancement.
Perfectionism is personality trait that is common on mental health issues such as OCD and Depression. (Psychology Today Staff)